I know a lot of people have had it way worse.
I know it isn't a competition.
I also know that I am struggling, and have been for some time.
It is over six months since I have been to the office where I do my day job, and since then, said day job (which I am able to continue to do reasonable effectively from home), game design work, game playing and playtesting, and get-togethers with friends have almost entirely taken place in the same little room. I am fortunate that we have a house with a garden and other rooms to sit and do stuff in, but the reality is that most of my waking hours are spent doing things in this room, and almost all of that involves looking at a computer screen.
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| My wonderful wife made this badger for me. It makes me smile. |
This is an environment that I was pretty positive about at first, with the challenge of creating games that could be tested remotely, and learning about technologies like Tabletopia and Tabletop Simulator was interesting and opened up more opportunities, but the longer we have gone, the more I realise that I really rely on the energy of other people sitting around the table and the physicality of the game, whether playing a published game for fun or working on a new design.
Most days, by the time I finish work I often have little energy and motivation to do anything more, particularly without the payoff of seeing other people moving components on a table. As a result, my productivity in the last few months has been shocking.
It's not all down though. A few weeks ago I was able to meet a game designer friend face-to-face for a few hours and as a result I have been managing to get some work done on developing (or butchering) one of his projects to see what happens if we remove a couple of the play elements in an attempt to streamline it. Even this has been moving very slowly, but it is at least something.
I have also been reading a bit more than previously, mostly books about medieval history, so there may be some game inspiration on its way.
This post doesn't really have a point. I don't have any epiphany I can pass on, or advice I can give, it's just me feeling a bit sorry for myself.
I will say, however, that whoever and wherever you are, I hope that you and your loved ones find a way through the current troubles, however they are affecting you. If you want a chat and have my contact details, please feel free to use them; otherwise, look me up on Twitter (@harperrob).
